RoChu  The Way You Are
by Dewdropmon
Summary: There's something Russia hates about himself and he needs China to keep him from doing something extremely stupid. Rated T for attempted self-mutilation.


Rated T for attempts at self-mutilation

He hated it. It was huge and disgusting and caused him nothing but trouble. He _hated_ it!

Russia sat, alone, on the couch in his living room, staring dully at the sharp knife he was holding, fingering it carefully, steeling himself for what he knew must be done. It was for the best...all for the best. He didn't want it. All the other nations made fun of it behind his back. Some (like that capitalist pig, America) actually made fun of it to his face! Russia scowled at the knife. It was bad enough that America hated him for choosing to be a Communist nation. That at least was something Russia had chosen to be. America didn't have to go around making fun of him for things he couldn't help.

He knew perfectly well what the other Allies talked about when he wasn't in the room...America hated everything about him, so it didn't surprise him that he'd make fun of it...England, he was sure England was jealous of Russia's former alliance with China, so that'd probably be why he made fun of it...France, well, F-France secretly liked England, right? H-He was making fun of it because England was...to try to win him over. Finally his thoughts turned to China.

China...his beautiful southern neighbor. He wished he could believe that China at least didn't make fun of it. After all, they had been good friends before the split. At least, he thought they had. Maybe China never really wanted to be friends with him...maybe he was only pretending to like Russia for the sake of his own people. Russia thought about how China recoiled every time he saw Russia. How he made every excuse he could to stay as far away from Russia as possible. Yes...Russia reflected sadly that China most likely hated him too...just like everyone else. And _it_ was probably to blame. China must find it revolting. Maybe China would stop avoiding him if he got rid of it. Yeah, that had to be it! If he just made it go away, then maybe China wouldn't be revolted by him...maybe he would like him...

Yes. He would do it for China.

He glared at his knife as he felt his new-found resolve harden his will. He hated it! He hated his huge nose, dammit, and this time he was going to cut it off!

Russia raised the knife to his face and rested the blade along the bridge of his nose. He was just beginning to apply pressure when his front door banged open. Startled, he let the knife slip a little, leaving a small, shallow gash from which blood dripped.

"Yiwan, aru, your boss asked me come over because he said you had something you wanted to discu..."

Russia heard China's voice trail off and, looking up, saw that all the color was draining from his face as his business-like expression turned to one of utter horror. Russia realized that he was still holding the knife to his nose and with the blood dripping from the small cut he'd accidentally made, he knew China must be putting two and two together.

He and China stared at each other for a full thirty seconds before China stammered,

"Y-Yiwan, w-what are you d-doing, aru?"

Russia regarded China carefully, trying very hard to keep his expression blank.

"I'm cutting my nose off," he said as calmly as if he were telling China that it was supposed to rain later in the week.

Slowly, China entered Russia's house and shut the front door behind him. Russia watched apathetically as China cautiously approached the couch, looking at him as if he might suddenly attack him with the knife instead.

"Yiwan, why don't you tell me what this is all about, aru?" China slowly walked over and sat next to Russia on the couch. "Here, give me the knife and..."

"NO!"

Russia jerked the knife away as China tried to take it from him, almost slicing China's hand open in the process. China stared at him, surprise written all over his face before he turned his body to face Russia's. He crossed his arms and studied Russia's face carefully.

"Before you do anything, why don't you tell me why you want to cut your nose off, aru?

Taking a deep breath, Russia slowly lowered the knife away from his face. He began telling China everything he'd been thinking about earlier, about the rest of the Allies. He went on to say how he was sure that even the Axis powers, and other countries who weren't involved with either group, laughed at him behind his back because of his nose.

Instead of making him feel better (which was what China had hoped would happen) talking about it only made Russia feel worse. He was now more determined than ever to remove the ugly thing from his face!

Glancing at China, Russia brought the knife back up to his face and was just about to attack his nose when China intervened.

"No!" he yelled and jumped on Russia, knocking him sideways onto the couch.

Russia rolled over onto his back and sat up to find China straddling his lap, holding the wrist of the hand that held the knife. Russia was so startled that he didn't notice China moving his knife hand away from his face. By the time he did notice and was able to shake China's hand off, China himself had pressed his forehead to Russia's, resting his nose along the side of Russia's nose, blocking it from the knife. Russia tried to pull his head back, but China grabbed some of Russia's hair and pulled his head back down, pressing their foreheads more firmly together.

"J-Jao...what are you doing?" Russia whispered uncertainly.

"I'm keeping you from doing something stupid Yiwan, aru." China said harshly as he glared at Russia, causing him to flinch slightly. China's voiced softened a bit then.

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself Yiwan, aru."

"Why?" Russia asked desperately. "You hate my nose just as much as everyone else does! Why else would you shudder with disgust whenever you see me? Always try to stay as far away from me as possible? You always go off with America, France, and England after meetings and completely ignore me even though I've tried asking you to have lunch with me several times!"

Russia felt tears forming in his eyes and dripping down his face as he poured out the fears he'd been keeping bottled up ever since he and China had started having contact again. He leaned more heavily against China's forehead and sobbed, finally allowing China to take the knife from his hand. He heard a dull thud as China promptly tossed it across the room. He felt China remove his forehead from Russia's and take his face in his hands. He was sure that China was going to lecture him about being such an immature western nation, so he squeaked with surprise when China suddenly pulled him into a hug, resting his head on China's chest and wrapping his arms around him tightly.

"That's not why I was avoiding you, aru."

The sudden statement startled Russia.

"When we were allies...before...I was afraid of you at first. I'd heard the stories the other nations told about you. How you were a vicious monster and how you were dangerous and couldn't be trusted. I believed them..." Russia felt his heart sink into his stomach when he heard this "...but as I began to spend more time around you, I realized that, while you are a bit unstable mentally, you are hardly the demon everyone always made you out to be. Before I knew it, I realized that I liked you...a lot.

Russia, who had been staring dully at the wall behind China, started at this admission and pulled away from China's embrace. He stared at China, his violet eyes wide with surprise.

China, embarrassed by Russia's sudden, intense scrutiny, blushed a bit and looked down at his hands, which now rested in his lap. As Russia watched, his face grew steadily redder before he was finally able to admit it.

"The reason I've been avoiding you is because I still have feelings for you and it makes me a bit uncomfortable because our bosses haven't asked us to resume the level of friendship we had before and, anyway, it's not just the two of us against the world anymore, I mean we have others in our group, and..."

Russia suddenly took China's face in his hands and pressed their lips gently together, effectively cutting off China's nervous babbling. It's not like he'd heard most of what China had said anyway. He'd stopped listening after China said he still had feelings for him.

China let out a startled 'eep' when Russia kissed him, but slowly melted into it, enjoying it as much as Russia was. Russia finally pulled away, staring into China's chocolate caramel eyes in wonder. Finally, he found his voice and murmured,

"I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that. I'll be honest with you, since you've been so honest with me. I've liked you since before we were allies." Russia saw China's expression of shock at suddenly being kissed change to one of joy at the knowledge that his crush liked him too. Russia grinned as China put his arms around Russia's neck and brought him in for another, much longer, kiss.

After they broke apart, Russia put his arms around China's waist and pulled him into his chest, lying back on the couch with China on top of him. He smiled happily as China snuggled into his chest.

"I think your big nose is sexy, anyway, aru."

Russia smiled and blushed as China leaned forward slightly and planted a tender kiss on said big, sexy nose.

"I love you, Jao."

"I love you too, Yiwan, aru.

They both fell asleep like that and slept for the rest of the afternoon.

A/N: I was having an RP with aru-its-china on deviantart and we got to talking about how I think that Russia is self-conscious about his nose. This is what came of that. I hope you enjoy it! ^J^


End file.
